Remembering Mom

Today is somewhat of a difficult day for me. Four years ago today, my Mother died. In many ways, it seems like yesterday. I miss her so much, especially now as I am about to become a mommy. There are so many things I would like to have known about her as I enter mommyhood. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and wish she were able to be physically with us when Sydney is born; to see her hold her granddaughter and to watch her joyful tears. It's difficult to give up that dream because I have envisioned it for so many years. I know my Mother will be with us in spirit but it just isn't the same. When my Mom died, a part of me died also. I hope that part of me will come back to life after Sydney is born so we can share a similar relationship as my Mother and I did.

23 years ago I remember sitting on our sofa trying to figure out a perfect Mother's Day gift for my Mother. We didn't have any money, but that didn't matter. I knew at age 13 that if I could just write her the perfect poem, it would mean more to her than anything. I loved to write and my Mother loved to read what I wrote. Well, I wrote that poem. I remember writing every word of that poem. I was so proud of it and even more proud to give it to her. I never realized how important and memorable that poem would end up being in our lives.

You Know Mom...

Out of everything you have

been through and everything

you have done, you're still

as strong as you've ever been

and for this, I love You!

You have done so much,

and have been so good,

for this there is no doubt!

You have been at my side

and have been my guide

through my entire life!

For all the above

I feel special.

I feel I am the only

person in the world

who can say and believe,

I have the best Mom in the world,

And I Love You!!

I feel like I wrote that poem yesterday, it's so surreal to me. Every word just fits! I hope and pray that Sydney will some day feel the same way about me. I will not spend my day today in grief, my Mother would not want that. Instead, I will remember all of our wonderful moments together and I will be grateful for having her in my life. I love you Mom!