Remembering Mom

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my Mother's death...

I miss her. I miss her so much.

We take for granted so many things in our lives...I know I am guilty of it but I am trying so hard to change that. Everyday I am blessed with the presence of my husband and my beautiful daughter - they are my life. It's hard sometimes to really appreciate what we have; instead, we get all caught up in needless drama and lose sight of what's really important. Sometimes, we don't realized just how important something is (was) until it's gone.

I am proud of the relationship I had with my Mother. We had so much respect for each other and always found special ways to let each other know how important the other was to us. from a young age, I always told my Mom how proud I was of her. Now that I am a Mom, I understand how wonderful and profound that must have made my Mom feel. I know in my heart and in my soul that I brought joy into my Mother's life and I will never, nor have I ever, take(n) the joy she brought into my life, for granted. I can only pray that Sydney and I have a similar relationship.

I remember the last week of my Mother's life like it was yesterday. Before my Mother started slipping away, she called us in to draw up her living will. It was awful. She asked me to write as she spoke. I wrote my Mother's living will - I still have the original! She began by saying she was sorry that she was leaving us and how sad she was that she was going to die before her Mom. After discussion on the medical treatment she did and did not want, she brought up my child, the grandchild she would never meet. It was a very emotional moment for my Mother and I. This has been one of the most difficult things about my Mother dying so young...that she wasn't able to be there with me through my pregnancy and delivery. I never got to see my Mother hold my daughter.

I write about this because I just want us all to try and slow down and appreciate what we DO have. Someone said to me when my Mom died, "Look for the miracles." I didn't understand that for some time, but since then, have noticed many miracles...most importantly, my daughter.

My Mother was way too important and amazing for me to just sit around and get lost in grief. Of course I am still sad that she is gone, but life is short and sometimes not fair, and I am not going to just let life pass me by. I will honor my Mother by LIVING and by being the best wife, mommy, step mom, grand daughter, aunt, daughter in law, cousin, niece & friend that I can be to my family. Because really, what could be more important?

I love you so much Mom and I know you are still with us. I can feel your warmth and presence frequently and know that you are proud of my relationship with Sydney. Someday...