Mommy's Babbling

Today at work I realized that I have been getting so caught up in the repetitiveness of everyday life that I have lost touch of time and how quickly it is all going by.

Everyday we have a similar routine: We get up around 6-7am, feed Sweetie, clean up the kitchen from the previous nights dinner, make our morning "medicine" (that would be strong coffee) make a quick breakfast, and watch PBS with Sydney. By 8:30am, Daddy (we seem to always talk in third person around our house now) is in the shower getting ready for work and Sydney and I are heading out the door to go to the gym/daycare. We then come home from the gym, make a quick snack for Sydney, I have a protein shake and then it's time for Sydney's nap. That gives me an hour or less to shower, get ready and possibly clean up the downstairs from our morning routine or eat. When Sydney wakes up, I usually have to rock her for a bit to keep her in a good mood, then we go downstairs to prepare lunch and she eats while I clean up the kitchen and get everything ready so we can leave the house to run errands. We then get home around 3-4pm and we play outside. Not exactly always fun for Mommy because there is no grass anywhere and our driveway is steep so everything rolls down it. I am constantly chasing! We then come in to make Sydney's dinner, clean up and then watch a baby video/read books to settle down. Then 7pm we take a bath and by 7:30 Sydney is in bed with "bear-bear" "Ubby" & "baby". Then, it's downstairs to pick up toys and then begin the process of preparing and cooking dinner for Greg and I to eat when he gets home from work at 8:45pm. We eat around 9pm and by then its too late and too noisy to clean up dishes so I leave them for first thing in the morning for when my medicine is brewing. By bedtime, I am completely whopped from running around with my head cut off all day. I would love to say that I go to bed and get a restful sleep until 6am the next day...but not the case. Sydney is a VERY active sleeper and frequently cries out LOUDLY in her sleep - waking me up several times throughout the night. On top of this, I also have insomnia...I can oftentimes fall asleep but I usually wake up sometime throughout the night and have a very difficult time falling back to sleep.

So, why am I boring everyone with this tedious schedule...because I came to a realization today at work. You see, I come to work once a week so I can use a different part of my brain and so I can focus on something other than "chores". It gives me an opportunity to just pull away and refocus my energy. As a result of doing this, I was able to take a few minutes today and go back and read old journal entries from when Sydney was born and her first few months of life. As I was looking at all of her pictures and reading my entries I got really emotional. I realized how quickly its all going by and that this will be my only child and I only get to do it all one time. I think my heart skipped a beat at that moment. I really haven't had that much time away from Sydney to really take a look back. I don't know if I am even able to verbalize (write) what I am trying to relay to you all. It's not that I think my schedule is any more crazy or hectic than anyone elses, because I don't. We all have busy schedules and crazy days!! Today, however, was one of the first days where I was able to come out of my daze for a moment and really "see" my life.

I would not ever change our decision to put my "career" on hold to stay home and raise our child. I feel it is the best decision for our family. There are SO many benefits for us all and I get to experience so much; however, it also means that I am responsible for everything all day and all night. We really don't have babysitters (can't afford to go out and do anything anyways) so I am with Sydney 24/7 almost everyday. So, as you might imagine, it's very easy to get lost in the day to day routine of it all.

I am so grateful today that I had this moment of clarity. I am able to appreciate even more my time with Sydney because I realize now how quickly its all going to go by. This is only one moment of many more to come in our lives.