Happy Anniversary Big Daddy:P

My Silly Girl

Daddy is out of town again this weekend seeing Jo Jo, so Sydney and I have been on our own. The weather is still in the 100's and too hot to play outside so we have been pretty bored!! We were being pretty silly yesterday running around the house and making funny faces - hence, the pictures below!! Enjoy!

My silly girl!!

Finding Me

When I was younger, high school and college years, I was determined that I was going to be a Psychologist and a working Mom. I knew back then that I was a hard worker and that I would get bored staying home everyday. My view point changed when I moved to Arizona. I was somewhat sheltered living in Mankato, Minnesota. I had family and close friends by me most of the time. Life was more simple. Moving to Arizona, I was more isolated, witnessed/observed more violence and crime - my world views changed - a lot! Then I worked as a Therapist with children and families involved with Child Protection services and observed and heard the most devastating behaviors/events. The images I have etched in my brain of that time are horrific and ones I have never really shared with anyone. As a result of what I have experienced in Arizona, I knew that once I did become a Mommy, there was NO WAY I was going to be able to send my child to child care. Now, I am not against child care at all. My mom had to put me into child care at 3 weeks old!! Anyone who knows me well enough knows what a worry wort I am and how anxious I can be...as a result, I would seriously have a nervous breakdown worrying about my child everyday if she were in day care all day. So why am I bringing all of this up?

I am about to share some VERY personal information that I would not normally discuss with anyone, but, I think it's important. I feel a lot of pressure being a stay at home Mom - and I am sure many women do but we are just too embarrassed or nervous to be open about it. So, here it goes...

I know that we made the right decision for OUR family for me to put a career on hold and to stay home and raise our daughter. I know first hand that not all families have this choice. Right now, at this time, we do. There are many things I really like about being a stay at home mom. I get to see all of Sydney's firsts. I get to decide what she eats, what she sees on TV, when she takes naps, what she plays with and things of that sort. With me spending so much time with her, she learns our values and traditions and not those of the people taking care of her. I get hugs and kisses all day (my favorite). I get to do certain errands and chores during the day that many people have to do on the weekends or evenings. All of these things, and many more, are all very positive and important and I am grateful. There are things however, that are very challenging for me when it comes to being a stay at home Mom. I miss ME. I miss the part of ME that used to help people on a daily basis. The part of ME that felt valued and important. I was really good at my work. People came to ME for my advise on treating clients. I loved the rush I used to get when I could see someone arriving at a "Ah-Ha" moment. I miss my paychecks!! I miss getting paid for the work I did. I have always been one to work better and to accomplish more when I have a lot to do - I am proud of my time management skills and my ability to prioritize. Now, I know what people are going to say - those are all transferable skills - I still do use time management and I still do prioritize. But come on people, its much different. Making decisions about what to cook for dinner or what to clean first - the toilet or the floors - isn't' quite the same!! For people who enjoy cooking and cleaning and decorating and things of that sort, this is the perfect job for them. But I really don't enjoy all of those things. This is the part that is hard because I read a lot of blogs and chat rooms where working moms will say, "You are so lucky to be able to stay at home" "Quit whining" - all of these types of comments only place more shame on women who are in my shoes. Obviously, we know we are lucky! But why should I be shamed because I miss a big part of ME. Why is it that once you have kids whenever you use the word "ME" you feel ashamed? I feel like when I use the word "ME" I am being selfish. Why? Am I not allowed to have a "self" anymore because I am a Mom. Now how do I explain that to my daughter as she grows up? "Enjoy life while you can Sweetie because once you have kids, your life is over!!" NO! I refuse! There has got to be a happy-medium! So that is where I am at today...trying to figure out what MY happy-medium is. Trying to figure out how I can be the productive, stable, joyful stay at home Mommy that Sydney deserves, yet, at the same time, trying to figure out what I can do to get ME back! A way that I can use my skills and my passion and still be home for my Sweetie. This is the example I want to set for my daughter!

I know someone is going to read this post and think that I am being selfish or ungrateful or that I think the grass is greener on the otherside. Think what you will. I prefer to get past the "shaming" and focus on something more productive - like finding ME!

Pumpkin Patch 2009

I decided to take Sydney to a local pumpkin patch this morning since the weather is suppose to be getting hot this weekend. We lasted for a couple of hours and then had to leave because it was so hot out and Sydney was turning pink!! It was cute to watch her run around and attempt to touch the animals. I had a really hard time getting pictures because she was not at the least bit interested in having her picture taken!! Enjoy the pictures...

This was the only time she sat down!!

These were baby pigs - so cute and very tiny!

Thinking about her next move...

Driving a mini tractor


Who can resist the billy-goats!

Checking out the corn maze

She didn't last too long in the maze.

So cute!

There were little baby chickens in here that I was able to pick up and hold for Sydney to pet.

More baby chickens

Popeye!!

The slide

Petting the horses

More horses

Sweeties New Hair Cut

Every time I look at these pictures, I get all teary-eyed!! My Sweetie is so adorable and growing up so fast. I find myself holding her and hugging her everyday - I just don't want to let go of her. If I were just a bit younger, I would SO have another one - how awesome would that be for Sweetie - to have a younger sibling to play with...

The pictures below are of her new haircut - so cute!!

Another Milestone Experience

Sweetie got her first hair cut today!!! Her bangs were becoming ruthless and her ends tangled, so it was time. I think I was way more nervous than her. We had a rough start because she didn't want the apron on but once she realized she got to watch a movie and that I was holding her hand, she was okay - not happy - but okay!! She has a small sliver of bangs now, very cute!! She was such a good girl that she got her 1st sucker when she was done!! Many firsts today and I feel blessed to have there with her to see them!!



Mommy's holding her hand.

Watching the movie and Mommy holding her hand.

I really didn't have them take any length off, just a trim and bangs.

Afterwards, on the car ride home, she was very excited to talk about her hair-cutting experience. Very dramatic story!!

Feeling Better!!

I am happy to report that Sydney is back to her silly self!! We have kept her pretty close to home since the weekend, letting her body rest and heal. Thank goodness it worked and the bug she had passed quickly.

Below are some silly pictures I thought you might enjoy...

A Viking's fan in the making!!!

I love to bake but don't do it too often because I also LOVE to eat what I bake!! This week I couldn't resist, we made chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting!!!! The picture above is the before shot!

This would be the after shot. Do you think she liked it??? It took her maybe 2 minutes to eat!!!