Happy Birthday Mom

For the past 4 years, December 28th has always been a particularly difficult day for me...it's my Mother's birthday. I never really know what to do with myself. I talk quietly to my Mother and will sing Happy Birthday to her several times throughout the day. I usually feel pretty lonely and somewhat empty. Today, I still feel all of these things; however, as you might imagine, I don't feel quite so low because I have Sydney with me.

Greg mentioned to me the other day about a book (I think it was a book he was talking abou) any ways, the "book" was about answering the question, "If you could spend one more day with a loved one whom has passed, what would you do"? So, I've been thinking about that today and this is what I have come up with...

I would want to spend one last day with my Mother. She would wake up at my house and wake me up by singing a song she used to sing to me when I was little:

"It's time to wake up,
it's time to wake up,
it's time to wake up in the morning!"

As I opened my eyes she would give me that unforgettable smile of hers and she would embrace me. I would then introduce her to her granddaughter and watch her hold and interact with Sydney. I would then ask my Mom what she wanted to do with the remainder of our time together and that's what we would do. As long as we were together and able to hug and hold hands and watch her kiss my daughter, that's really all I would want. No long drawn out conversations of "why". Really the only question I would have for her is to know if she is finally at peace. I really couldn't tell you how I would want to end our day, because I wouldn't want it to end! That would be so difficult to say goodbye to her again!

So Mom, if you can hear me, "Happy Birthday!" I love you so much and miss you more than I could even put into words. Now that I am a Mommy, I feel the pain of not having you in my life at such a deeper level. Sydney and I would have loved to have spent your special day with you today...I hope you heard us singing to you...